Chapter examples are as follows:
For every act of violence, there are thousands of acts of human kindness. We read and hear about acts of violence and hatred taking place everywhere in the world, and it is easy to allow this bad news to obfuscate all the wonderful and kind acts that occur every moment of every day.
Whenever someone is in need, there is always some kind soul to help. Whenever there is a job to be done, there is always someone ready to step forward and help get it done. Whenever there is a tragedy, there are always people who go out of their way to assist. There is never a shortage of kind, gentle, and helping people. Out of every need, out of every job that has to get done, out of every tragedy comes the absolute beauty of human kindness with its clarion call that life is a priceless gift without compare. Open your life to the goodness all around you.
ME - I see acts of human kindness from the time I get up in the morning until I go to sleep at night. Whenever there is an accident on the road, people always stop to help. Whenever I am short-staffed at BARC, people always step forward to help. Whenever I travel, people are always available to help me find my way; they even offer food and shelter. I no longer watch the news on television because of its overwhelming emphasis on negative, twisted kharma; all I see are people hurting other people, fires, and natural disasters. I much prefer to watch my neighbor cut the lawn of our elderly neighbor or teach his children how to ride their bicycles.
YOU -
Being upset usually serves no useful purpose because it can take you away from the determination that success requires. When we’re upset, we tend to make foolish and unnecessary mistakes that leave us further rather than closer to our goal. Being upset from an emotionally trying event is natural and healthy; carrying the upset for days or weeks after the emotionally trying event is unhealthy and unnecessary as it serves no useful purpose…it only keeps you stuck on the things that have become part of your historical past. Being upset about future events is also needless and unhealthy since your rumination is not useful.
If you encounter obstacles, accept them, live with them, and keep moving toward whatever it is you want, with renewed determination and assuredness.
ME - When I am upset, it goes right to my digestive system. I now know that if I could more quickly express my feelings of anger, I could avoid a lot of time in the bathroom. I have learned, through many years of practice, to let go of being upset for some future event. I was able to accomplish this in a step-by-step fashion: 1. I remind myself that being upset is of no value; 2. I concentrate on not ruminating about what’s upsetting me by doing other things; 3. I remind myself of my past experience with the futility of being upset; 4. I reduce the time I devote to being upset; 5. I stop feeling upset.
YOU –
Live a worry free life. When you analyze your worry, you will find it needless since it is usually about things you cannot control anyway: someone’s illness, the weather, how people will perceive you. Value does not emanate from worry; anxiety and fear emanate from worry. Why not stop worrying and just be?
Begin by transforming your worry into some positive action. If you are worried about your speech to the Kiwanis Club, read it over one more time, and then begin doing something positive, like cleaning the refrigerator or mowing the lawn. If you are still worrying about the speech at bedtime, think about how clean the refrigerator is and how manicured and beautiful the lawn looks. You will awaken refreshed, renewed, and confident. And after the speech goes well, remember how glorious you felt. Hang on to this memory…preserve it…and use it the next time you feel yourself beginning to fall into the pit of needless worry.
ME - I inherited my love of worry from my father, who was a Class A worrier. My father even looked forward to future worries, telling me, “When you have small children, you have small problems but when you have older children, you have big problems.” I took worry on as a security blanket, something under which I kept my disconnected feelings safely hidden so I didn’t need to feel them. My recovery from being addicted to worry took time. First, I had to recognize that my worry had a genetic component…I inherited it from my father. Next, I realized that I had been denying my flight from connection by retreating into worry. The third step was to remind myself each time I started to worry that it resolved nothing: all it did was occupy my thoughts. The fourth and most difficult step was to say goodbye to worry each time it said hello. As time went on, I became more and more able to let go of my best friend, although he was very persistent and hung on for several years. The fifth step involved taking positive action each time I worried and then letting my worry go. For example, when a member of my board tried to have me fired, I promptly prepared everything he asked for, thus refuting his case. In other words, I turned my worry into action.
YOU -